I’m sinking. He pulls me with him, beside him, into himself. I don’t even know him – yet he seems to know me very well – perhaps much better than I can imagine.
I don’t even know his name. I don’t know absolutely anything about him. The only thing I feel for sure is his superiority, in every aspect. Although, perhaps that feeling is a result of not knowing myself, my own power and worth. Soon, I stop feeling anything at all, losing all my senses. The gap widens. In fact, I am not even aware of that. I am transforming into something new, also unknown, without even noticing it, without realizing it… I have become something for which I was not created, based on the previous experience that is all I have left, and what it all carries with it remains a mystery. I am taking on a new form… or rather, I am losing the old one.
He is still pulling me… all the time, constantly, relentlessly… He acts through me, lives in me – taking away the last fragments of consciousness, the remaining reason. He takes on greater dimensions, expanding like an explosion into desired infinity. He changes the dimensions of everything that exists, adapting everything to his needs – absolutely everything. As he grows, all his attributes grow too – he wants more – he multiplies. Completely, he tears apart the thread that represented, although only hinted at, but still sufficient, perhaps even entirely appropriate, the boundary between the infinite, the boundless, and the absolute. He accelerates time. Creates chaos. And again, everything for his own benefit, knowing the limitations and dimensions of what he governs, the dimensions of what he possesses, striving to leave no room for reaction, for anything that might oppose him or stand in his way.
Everything transforms into a bottomless vortex of incomprehensible dimensions, into a vortex of illusions.
The original note in Serbian:
Tonem. Vuče me sa sobom, uz sebe, u sebe. Čak ga i ne poznajem – ali izgleda da on mene zna, i to vrlo dobro – možda mnogo bolje nego što mogu i da zamislim.
Ne znam mu ni ime. Ne znam apsolutno ništa o njemu. Jedino što sigurno osećam, to je njegova nadmoć, u svakom pogledu. Mada, možda je taj osećaj posledica nepoznavanja samoga sebe, sopstvene moći i vrednosti. Ubrzo, prestajem i da osećam, gubim sva čula. Povećava se jaz. Zapravo, ni toga nisam svestan. Pretvaram se u nešto novo, takođe nepoznato, a da ni to uopšte ne primećujem, ne uviđam… Postao sam nešto za šta nisam stvoren, rekao bih na osnovu prethodnog iskustva koje mi je jedino preostalo, a šta ono sve nosi sa sobom, ostaje nepoznanica. Dobijam novi oblik… bolje rečeno, gubim stari.
On me još uvek vuče… sve vreme, neprestano, neumorno… Deluje kroz mene, živi u meni – uzimajući mi poslednje fragmente svesti, preostalog razuma. Poprima sve veće dimenzije, šireći se poput praska u željenu beskonačnost. Menja dimenzije svega postojećeg, prilagođavajući sve svojim potrebama – apsolutno sve. Kako raste, rastu mu i svi atributi – želi još više – umnožava se. U potpunosti, kida onu nit koja je predstavljala iako tek naslućujuću, ali ipak dovoljnu, možda čak i sasvim odgovarajuću granicu između beskonačnog, bezgraničnog i apsolutnog. Ubrzava vreme. Stvara haos. I opet, sve u svoju korist, poznajući ograničenost i dimenzije onoga čime vlada, dimenzije onoga što poseduje, težeći ka tome da ne ostavi ni malo prostora za reakciju, za ono što bi mu se moglo usprotiviti, stati na put.
Sve se pretvara u vrtlog, bez dna, neshvatljivih dimenzija, u vrtlog iluzija.